Word Painting

Those Crazy Customers

Customer: I need to know if you have the book Breaking Dawn Part 2
Me: Pardon me?
Customer: I need Breaking Dawn Part 2
Me: Ma'am, Breaking Dawn is just one book.
Customer: But the movie is two parts, I need the second part.
Me: Breaking Dawn is one book, the movie is in two parts based on the one book.
Me Wanting To Say: Okay, buy the book Breaking Dawn, tear it half, and read the last half.

Customer: [As she walks by the Nook Stand, Stops and Looks at Me]: Oh, you work for them.
Me: Who's them? Barnes & Noble?
Customer: No, them. [She points to the Nooks]. That gizmo company?
Me: [Really trying to contain my composure] Ma'am, Nook is Barnes & Noble. I work for Barnes & Noble.
Customer: Well, regardless, you can't help me! [She tromps away]
Me: [Wanting to lean over toward her as she walks away] You're probably right!

[This happened to me twice in one hour]
Customer: [Walks up and asks] Do you work here?
Me: [Standing next to a cart full of books wearing my name tag which dangles from my neck holding a price gun in my hand]
Me Wanting To Say: No, I just come in on Saturdays, grab a cart and rearrange the books on the shelves.

[I'm working the Nook stand wearing my name tag and . . .]
Customer: Do you work for Barnes & Noble?
Me: [Looking down at my name tag]
Customer: I mean, do you work here [referring to the Nook area] or for Barnes & Noble?
Me: This [referring to the Nook area] is Barnes & Noble.
Customer: [Forces a strange laugh] Can you help me find a book?
Me Wanting To Say: NO! You seriously need more help than just finding books.

[A customer comes in our store to buy a Nook . . .]
Me: We have a promotion going on right now. When you buy a Nook you get two free tickets to the pre-screening of The Hunger Games. Would you like to get the tickets?
Customer: What is it?
Me: You get two free tickets to go see The Hunger Games two days before it's in the theaters.
Customer: The Hunger Games? What's that a rock band?
Me Wanting To Say: Yeah, it's a rock band and you have to fight your way out of the stadium at the end of the show or end up being killed.

Customer: My husband has an Amazon gift card, can he use it here?
Me: Ma'am, this is a Barnes & Noble.
Customer: Right, so can he use it here?
Me Wanting To Say: Sure, we always take our competitor's gift cards. Our goal is to go out of business.